Patience: Perception and Projection

I admit it. Patience is but one virtue that I need to cultivate. Although people who have known me for sometime will be able to see the improvements I have made. There is, I believe lots of room for improvements.

I mean, I cannot pretend that I do not get agitated when I have to explain something more than once. Neither can I claim to remain cool and calm when things do not move as fast as I would like them to be.

Recently, an audio book I listened to (How to make yourself unforgettable - Dale Carnegie) defined patience as the ability to wait without feeling frustration, anxiety, and anger. There are 3 key learnings I gained from this lesson and they are as follow.

The author gave a scenario like this. It is now 8.45am and you need to be at work by 9am. You are in the queue at Starbucks waiting to get your coffee. Finally there is just one more person in front of you in the queue. While all you want is just coffee; not fancy latte or decaf, the lady in front of you seems to be exploring all options, soy or low-fat milk, with or without whipped, decaf or regular, etc.

The situation is enough to make you scream as you have been standing in line for some time now, and here is this lady (or by now one might have used less than flattering names for her) who seems to take her own sweet time to decide.

Three main concepts proposed by the author are as follow. One, instead of letting the external environment control how you feel, why not choose how you feel about the external environment? In which case, here, you will not be able to control what that lady will do (without violating her rights or being seen as a mad man screaming and shouting at her). Instead, focus on controlling your emotions or choosing the right emotions that will make you feel resourceful.

Leading to that is point 2. Should you experience emotions that place you in a less than resourceful state, why do you want to hold on to those emotions? Do you enjoy feeling this way? If not, why not choose emotions that will put you in a resourceful state?

And finally, would you prefer to be in the company of someone who is in a resourceful state or otherwise? As we are likely to choose the former, so why choose to be in a less than resourceful state and then wonder why do people not like you.