I admit it. Patience is but one virtue that I need to cultivate. Although people who have known me for sometime will be able to see the improvements I have made. There is, I believe lots of room for improvements.
I mean, I cannot pretend that I do not get agitated when I have to explain something more than once. Neither can I claim to remain cool and calm when things do not move as fast as I would like them to be.
Recently, an audio book I listened to (How to make yourself unforgettable - Dale Carnegie) defined patience as the ability to wait without feeling frustration, anxiety, and anger. There are 3 key learnings I gained from this lesson and they are as follow.
The author gave a scenario like this. It is now 8.45am and you need to be at work by 9am. You are in the queue at Starbucks waiting to get your coffee. Finally there is just one more person in front of you in the queue. While all you want is just coffee; not fancy latte or decaf, the lady in front of you seems to be exploring all options, soy or low-fat milk, with or without whipped, decaf or regular, etc.
The situation is enough to make you scream as you have been standing in line for some time now, and here is this lady (or by now one might have used less than flattering names for her) who seems to take her own sweet time to decide.
Three main concepts proposed by the author are as follow. One, instead of letting the external environment control how you feel, why not choose how you feel about the external environment? In which case, here, you will not be able to control what that lady will do (without violating her rights or being seen as a mad man screaming and shouting at her). Instead, focus on controlling your emotions or choosing the right emotions that will make you feel resourceful.
Leading to that is point 2. Should you experience emotions that place you in a less than resourceful state, why do you want to hold on to those emotions? Do you enjoy feeling this way? If not, why not choose emotions that will put you in a resourceful state?
And finally, would you prefer to be in the company of someone who is in a resourceful state or otherwise? As we are likely to choose the former, so why choose to be in a less than resourceful state and then wonder why do people not like you.
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
A Game for Two
Say, if you were invited to an evening with your friends for a game but you were told that only two people can participate at any point in time. Would you go?
Well that depends for most people. Some do not mind just watching by the side. Some may get the kick out of watching who will win. But others may wish to participate so if both slots were taken, they might pass.
In this case, if you are the host, you might not expect a large turn out. Or maybe you do not want a large turn out to begin with.
The same can be said of your dream or vision. Because your dream is a small one, you may find that the people who will come to work along side you may be few. Then again, some of us may not want our dream to be too big, because then you might invite the wrong crowd!
For one, if your dream is big enough then you will find many who will like to be part of the action. Say, Google for example. Because the dream of their founders is likely to be big enough, fun enough, exciting enough, even with lots of testing of new boundaries; that is the reason why, I think, they are able to attract talents to their game.
So, in our last discussion where we talked about having a BIG dream, that is one of the reasons why a bigger dream is always better than a small one.
So, how big is your dream?
Well that depends for most people. Some do not mind just watching by the side. Some may get the kick out of watching who will win. But others may wish to participate so if both slots were taken, they might pass.
In this case, if you are the host, you might not expect a large turn out. Or maybe you do not want a large turn out to begin with.
The same can be said of your dream or vision. Because your dream is a small one, you may find that the people who will come to work along side you may be few. Then again, some of us may not want our dream to be too big, because then you might invite the wrong crowd!
For one, if your dream is big enough then you will find many who will like to be part of the action. Say, Google for example. Because the dream of their founders is likely to be big enough, fun enough, exciting enough, even with lots of testing of new boundaries; that is the reason why, I think, they are able to attract talents to their game.
So, in our last discussion where we talked about having a BIG dream, that is one of the reasons why a bigger dream is always better than a small one.
So, how big is your dream?
Monday, July 28, 2008
The Map is not the Territory Part I
So now that we are equipped with the compass, which will always point towards our true north (mission), we are still short of realising our vision. Given that our vision is the end in mind, besides the compass we will also need a map to help us get there.
The map will be the masterplan that guide us along, providing us with the paths, showing us where the obstacles might be, and even enabling to check against certain milestones. However, the map is not necessarily the territory. In other words, while we plan and draw up the ways in which we will go from point A to point B, we will come across several circumstances where it will take us by surprise. So how we will tackle these circumstances and change our course along the way will depend on 3 things. How we respond to it, what are our strategies, and whether we believe we will overcome it.
How do we form beliefs, or more importantly why do we believe whether we will overcome it will be something we will talk about today.
Let us begin with some questions. What are some beliefs that we all have? Some of us of a certain faith believe in a man we call Jesus Christ. Some of us believe that in order to be rich, we must work hard. While others believe that we must be honest in order to succeed. So where do these beliefs, whether it is true or not, come from? Some of these beliefs were our own past experiences, while others were being passed down from our parents. It could also be a belief that you picked up from a friend, a book, or a movie! Most importantly, in order for you to believe it, you need to have references to back it up. For instance we all believe that a book would not suddenly start floating in the air, because it does not match our references (c.f. Tony Robbins).
Tony also went on to cite that many of you had passed some tests in the past, so you had references that you were smart. So, now lets ask ourselves in order to be a leader, what kind of beliefs must we have?
I think there is basically one fundamental belief we must have. We must believe what our cause is beyond self, meaning our cause must not to solely benefit ourselves. But it must be for a greater good. Donald Trump phrased it differently, but to me it is essentially the same thing. Trump says one must dream big. Vic Johnson says dream big or it doesn't matter. Some people mis-interpret it as being greedy. They think, having enough is enough so why dream big. Of course if we dream big just so as to benefit only ourselves then it is greed. Else, its about going for something that is beyond you. Something larger than you. Only if its larger than you will you be able to involve others in your dreams. And only when others are involved will they be excited.
The map will be the masterplan that guide us along, providing us with the paths, showing us where the obstacles might be, and even enabling to check against certain milestones. However, the map is not necessarily the territory. In other words, while we plan and draw up the ways in which we will go from point A to point B, we will come across several circumstances where it will take us by surprise. So how we will tackle these circumstances and change our course along the way will depend on 3 things. How we respond to it, what are our strategies, and whether we believe we will overcome it.
How do we form beliefs, or more importantly why do we believe whether we will overcome it will be something we will talk about today.
Let us begin with some questions. What are some beliefs that we all have? Some of us of a certain faith believe in a man we call Jesus Christ. Some of us believe that in order to be rich, we must work hard. While others believe that we must be honest in order to succeed. So where do these beliefs, whether it is true or not, come from? Some of these beliefs were our own past experiences, while others were being passed down from our parents. It could also be a belief that you picked up from a friend, a book, or a movie! Most importantly, in order for you to believe it, you need to have references to back it up. For instance we all believe that a book would not suddenly start floating in the air, because it does not match our references (c.f. Tony Robbins).
Tony also went on to cite that many of you had passed some tests in the past, so you had references that you were smart. So, now lets ask ourselves in order to be a leader, what kind of beliefs must we have?
I think there is basically one fundamental belief we must have. We must believe what our cause is beyond self, meaning our cause must not to solely benefit ourselves. But it must be for a greater good. Donald Trump phrased it differently, but to me it is essentially the same thing. Trump says one must dream big. Vic Johnson says dream big or it doesn't matter. Some people mis-interpret it as being greedy. They think, having enough is enough so why dream big. Of course if we dream big just so as to benefit only ourselves then it is greed. Else, its about going for something that is beyond you. Something larger than you. Only if its larger than you will you be able to involve others in your dreams. And only when others are involved will they be excited.
Friday, July 25, 2008
Leadership Compass Part III
Given that, we will next look at the word "influence" to see how we can expand on it. Taking the cue from Stephen R. Covey's circle of influence, we know it is about working from inside-out. In other words, our ability to influence should be from within and not from the outside.
That is not to say that we do not at all rely on 'authority' to assert our influence. We may very well need to from time to time. Having said that, it we solely rely on 'authority' then our circle of influence is not only limited but we will also feel insecure due to the fact that there will always be situations where we have little 'authority'.
Instead, according to the ideas proposed by Stephen R. Covey, working from the inside-out allows us to tap into our internal source of security. Using this simple yet powerful concept, we then need to know how we can first, work on our circle of influence and second, expand our circle of influence.
It is here where I will like to propose the concept of neurological levels of change, first introduced by Gregory Bateson, then popularized by Robert Dilts in NIP, as a tool to help us work on our circle of influence, then back to using Covey's idea of the 7 Habits (I am now practising the 8th Habit) to expand on our circle of influence.
Using Bateson's neurological levels of change, one will start by defining your identity first. According to other scholars, that would involve shaping your mindset, while the others see it as your perspective of things. For instance if you see (perspective) yourself as someone who is an optimist (identity), very often you will be likely think (mindset) in a positive fashion. While someone who is a pessimistic (identity) person, you will likely think (mindset) the worst about things because of the way you perceive (perspective) it.
Now, that does not mean we should all go out there and just be positive all the time. There are times we should not be positive. Having said that, whether we are positive or negative in terms of our perspective, what is more importantly is what we will do in any particular situation, especially the challenging ones. For instance, in my previous blog, "There's opportunities in every crisis", I was sharing about my acrimonious situation when I was working with a friend. Someone with a different mindset will most definitely take different actions from me. I am not saying what I did is the most effective, its just the most effective for me.
So, if given a certain mindset, perspective, or identity we will take different actions (even with the same mindset, perspective, or identity we can still make differing decisions), we then need to ask ourselves how is it possible. The answers lie in the neurological levels of change, which are our beliefs, strategies, and behaviours. And the best part of it all is, it is a skill set, which means we can learn, practice, refine, and apply.
That is not to say that we do not at all rely on 'authority' to assert our influence. We may very well need to from time to time. Having said that, it we solely rely on 'authority' then our circle of influence is not only limited but we will also feel insecure due to the fact that there will always be situations where we have little 'authority'.
Instead, according to the ideas proposed by Stephen R. Covey, working from the inside-out allows us to tap into our internal source of security. Using this simple yet powerful concept, we then need to know how we can first, work on our circle of influence and second, expand our circle of influence.
It is here where I will like to propose the concept of neurological levels of change, first introduced by Gregory Bateson, then popularized by Robert Dilts in NIP, as a tool to help us work on our circle of influence, then back to using Covey's idea of the 7 Habits (I am now practising the 8th Habit) to expand on our circle of influence.
Using Bateson's neurological levels of change, one will start by defining your identity first. According to other scholars, that would involve shaping your mindset, while the others see it as your perspective of things. For instance if you see (perspective) yourself as someone who is an optimist (identity), very often you will be likely think (mindset) in a positive fashion. While someone who is a pessimistic (identity) person, you will likely think (mindset) the worst about things because of the way you perceive (perspective) it.
Now, that does not mean we should all go out there and just be positive all the time. There are times we should not be positive. Having said that, whether we are positive or negative in terms of our perspective, what is more importantly is what we will do in any particular situation, especially the challenging ones. For instance, in my previous blog, "There's opportunities in every crisis", I was sharing about my acrimonious situation when I was working with a friend. Someone with a different mindset will most definitely take different actions from me. I am not saying what I did is the most effective, its just the most effective for me.
So, if given a certain mindset, perspective, or identity we will take different actions (even with the same mindset, perspective, or identity we can still make differing decisions), we then need to ask ourselves how is it possible. The answers lie in the neurological levels of change, which are our beliefs, strategies, and behaviours. And the best part of it all is, it is a skill set, which means we can learn, practice, refine, and apply.
Leadership Compass Part II
Here, I will like to the scope of leadership. If we acknowledge that we can be a leader in one aspect but a follower in another, then the scope of leadership expands! For instance, you can be a leader in your professional life but in your 'people' life, you are a follower as your friend might be a better organiser for get-togethers. Or you might be a leader in your community but at work you are a follower.
So, to be a true leader, to me, we must be able to influence with integrity and we must also have the necessary technical competencies in the area where we want to lead. Let's look at integrity for a moment. Would you also agree that other than integrity we will also need to be honest and sincere, along with some other virtues. In a word, we can call them, "values".
Therefore, imagine now on your right palm you have all the necessary competencies in the area that you would like to lead. And even if you did not have them, you will be able to learn, just like learning to use the chopsticks for the first time. And on your left palm, you will have all the right values that will guide you to behave in the appropriate manner.
So, to be a true leader, to me, we must be able to influence with integrity and we must also have the necessary technical competencies in the area where we want to lead. Let's look at integrity for a moment. Would you also agree that other than integrity we will also need to be honest and sincere, along with some other virtues. In a word, we can call them, "values".
Therefore, imagine now on your right palm you have all the necessary competencies in the area that you would like to lead. And even if you did not have them, you will be able to learn, just like learning to use the chopsticks for the first time. And on your left palm, you will have all the right values that will guide you to behave in the appropriate manner.
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Leadership Compass Part I
I thought the metaphor of using a compass fits squarely with the identity and responsibilities of a leader. One of the schools we are working with once asked me how would I define "leadership".
Without a second thought I said, "two words"; influence and integrity. I mentioned influence because based on the works of John C. Maxwell, he proposes the idea that a leader is someone who is in the position to influence. I added integrity because someone like Hitler certainly has influence but integrity, he has not.
As I go through some other literature such as "The Speed of Trust" by Stephen M.R. Covey, he proposes the idea that having integrity is but only one part of the equation. He says, in order for someone to trust you, so you can influence them, you must also have competence. He went on to site examples which I can definitely relate to. My wife certainly trust me, but not in the area of cutting her hair! That competency I have not. So in this respect, she does not entrust her crowning glory to me.
Without a second thought I said, "two words"; influence and integrity. I mentioned influence because based on the works of John C. Maxwell, he proposes the idea that a leader is someone who is in the position to influence. I added integrity because someone like Hitler certainly has influence but integrity, he has not.
As I go through some other literature such as "The Speed of Trust" by Stephen M.R. Covey, he proposes the idea that having integrity is but only one part of the equation. He says, in order for someone to trust you, so you can influence them, you must also have competence. He went on to site examples which I can definitely relate to. My wife certainly trust me, but not in the area of cutting her hair! That competency I have not. So in this respect, she does not entrust her crowning glory to me.
Friday, July 18, 2008
There's opportunity in every crisis
Adversity gives us opportunities to grow. And we usually get what we work for. If we have problems and overcome them, we grow tall in character. — J. Willard Marriott Sr.
You might already have heard of this, that the chinese character for danger has the word opportunity in it. Personally, I was in an extremely precarious situation in 2001 where an offer to work with a friend turned out horribly wrong.
There were lots of finger-pointing, character assassination, fear, intimidation, and even potential lengthy law suits coming at me after I have decided to leave the company. I was at a lost as to what I'm supposed to do.
Then, how it helped me overcome all of that, and more, was to use a metaphor. My choice of a metaphor was that of a soldier. And it goes something like this.
Imagine a soldier and his platoon mates engaged in a fire battle with the enemy. All his other platoon mates are dead. He's down to his last magazine of ammunition. He is in a fox-hole. At this moment, the enemy doesn't know he is there. He has two options.
They are, (i) To stay put and wait till the enemy comes close enough. With his remaining ammunition, he will put up his last fight. (ii) To get out of the fox-hole, run tactically towards his enemy. And shoot some along the way.
If he chose option (i), he may end up dying of hunger and cold in the fox-hole or the enemy may outnumber him and kill him. If he chose option (ii), he may end up dying from the exchange of fire as he marches towards the enemy. So it looks like either way, he'll be dead. And being a soldier, its an honour to die fighting the enemy courageously rather than hiding in the fox-hole and hoping the enemy will not find him but die instead of hunger or from enemy's ambush.
Given that as the context of the metaphor, I then asked myself which choice should I make. It seems like either way, I'll die. But if I submit to the crisis, and pray for the storm to be over, and even if I survive, I will not be able to look myself in the mirror with integrity.
So, after consulting with a friend (thank you Teck!), I decided to move on and do what I need to do. And I must say that thank you to the forces that guided me through the last few years; I have managed to get out of the precarious situation and start all over again. At least, I can look myself in the mirror with integrity.
And that was what led me to write my own quote, which I'll like to share it with you here:
Life is full of risks, but until you turn them into opportunities, they will always remain uncertain. — Melvyn Tan
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Quotes help us "think, rethink, unthink"
Today's daily quote from FranklinCovey is the following:
Do you like reading quotes? Personally, one of my hobbies these days; besides Aikido and reading, is to collect quotes. One of the reasons why I started collecting quotes is because it can help me learn.
We all go through the learning process of (1) unconscious incompetence, (2) conscious incompetence, (3) conscious competence, and (4) unconscious competence.
How quotes help me learn is because due to the manner in which I was 'conditioned', I may respond to a given situation in a predicted way. For instance, when we hear about investments, many of us will think about risk and about the possibility of losing money. As such, whenever we are introduced to any investment opportunities, one of the first questions many of us ask is, "will we lose our money".
That is the reason why, I think, many investment products these days are labeled, "capital guaranteed", or in other words, you will not lose your initial capital. The flip side of that is, well, your upside can also be limited.
And the reason why many of us will ask that question is either because we have had previous experiences of losing our initial capital when we made an investment or we have heard of others who lost their initial capital investing in some products. And because we have been 'conditioned' to this way of thinking, we have developed an unconscious competence towards investments. Every time someone says "investment", we go "will lose money or not".
One of the best minds in investment, according to my perception, is Donald Trump. I recalled reading in "Why We Want You To Be Rich" is on the topic of investment. He introduced the concept of "investing to win" vs "investing so not to lose" in one of the chapters. And that got me THINKING.
Wow! What a great concept! If I choose to THINK "invest to win", then of course with that mindset, I will be looking out for investment vehicles that allow me to do just that! So that is when I RETHINK about the various investment avenues that will allow me to "invest to win". Subsequently, that led me to the concept of Value Investing, whereby you invest in companies that are able to add value for their shareholders, which according to Buffett, there are 9 rules to follow.
And once I have identified the various investment vehicles that allow me to "invest to win", I will put all my money where my mouth is. Right? Well, not really. Because now, with this new mindset, I could possibly narrow my options to just companies' equity! As such, I may miss out on other possibilities! Therefore, even with the new mindset, there is a need to UNTHINK.
And the amazing thing is, when I UNTHINK, the number of other opportunities appear right before me. Many of which have always been there but I just didn't see it.
So in order to help me RETHINK and UNTHINK, I rely on quotes from inspirational leaders in their own field to broaden my perspectives, see things from a different angle, explore other paths, seek out different solutions.
Of course, one of my favourite quotes (or more like a tagline, though it is grammatically wrong) is that of Apple's.
THINK DIFFERENT.
Write down on paper your goal in life. With that down in black and white, we really can get somewhere. Few can define their goal, much less write it. You cannot find happiness until your goal is clear and in view. — Ross Byron
Do you like reading quotes? Personally, one of my hobbies these days; besides Aikido and reading, is to collect quotes. One of the reasons why I started collecting quotes is because it can help me learn.
We all go through the learning process of (1) unconscious incompetence, (2) conscious incompetence, (3) conscious competence, and (4) unconscious competence.
How quotes help me learn is because due to the manner in which I was 'conditioned', I may respond to a given situation in a predicted way. For instance, when we hear about investments, many of us will think about risk and about the possibility of losing money. As such, whenever we are introduced to any investment opportunities, one of the first questions many of us ask is, "will we lose our money".
That is the reason why, I think, many investment products these days are labeled, "capital guaranteed", or in other words, you will not lose your initial capital. The flip side of that is, well, your upside can also be limited.
And the reason why many of us will ask that question is either because we have had previous experiences of losing our initial capital when we made an investment or we have heard of others who lost their initial capital investing in some products. And because we have been 'conditioned' to this way of thinking, we have developed an unconscious competence towards investments. Every time someone says "investment", we go "will lose money or not".
One of the best minds in investment, according to my perception, is Donald Trump. I recalled reading in "Why We Want You To Be Rich" is on the topic of investment. He introduced the concept of "investing to win" vs "investing so not to lose" in one of the chapters. And that got me THINKING.
Wow! What a great concept! If I choose to THINK "invest to win", then of course with that mindset, I will be looking out for investment vehicles that allow me to do just that! So that is when I RETHINK about the various investment avenues that will allow me to "invest to win". Subsequently, that led me to the concept of Value Investing, whereby you invest in companies that are able to add value for their shareholders, which according to Buffett, there are 9 rules to follow.
And once I have identified the various investment vehicles that allow me to "invest to win", I will put all my money where my mouth is. Right? Well, not really. Because now, with this new mindset, I could possibly narrow my options to just companies' equity! As such, I may miss out on other possibilities! Therefore, even with the new mindset, there is a need to UNTHINK.
And the amazing thing is, when I UNTHINK, the number of other opportunities appear right before me. Many of which have always been there but I just didn't see it.
So in order to help me RETHINK and UNTHINK, I rely on quotes from inspirational leaders in their own field to broaden my perspectives, see things from a different angle, explore other paths, seek out different solutions.
Of course, one of my favourite quotes (or more like a tagline, though it is grammatically wrong) is that of Apple's.
THINK DIFFERENT.
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Don't Eat The Last (Siew Mai) Donut
I saw this lady reading this book on the train. Out of curiosity, I google-d it and found out it is a book about social etiquette at a business meal setting. Some key notes include, always pass the salt and pepper together (boy, am I guilty of this one in the past), order something easy to eat like fish and chips (and be accused of being unimaginative - but I like my fish!), break your bread into small pieces (that one I know; visualize you just stuffed a huge piece and need to speak!), and never wear a napkin around the neck; that's for babies (just watch out for that Calvin Klein tie in the soup).
Interesting pointers that some of us already knew (whether we practice it is another thing all together) and some we never knew (I swear I never knew about the salt and pepper).
Before I head out to consult my image consultant (there is 1 celebrated image consultant that seems to remember me though we've never conducted any business dealings before), let me, ahem, attempt a few tips here based on an Asian setting. And of course invite anyone who has additional pointers or notes to share it here.
1) Look out for where you sit. Always take the best seat in the house. So that your prospect would not be distracted by who's walking in or out of the restaurant. Of course its not always possible, so get a private room, or order your food in such a way that it comes in gradually.
2) Don't even think about ordering a laksa! Unless of course you fancy little stains of laksa gravy as designs on your Hugo Boss white shirt!
3) Don't pour vinegar into a saucer for dipping. The smell irritates most people unless you need to mask your prospect's body odour.
4) Pass both the pepper and vinegar together for the shark's fins. Boy, is this an original thought or what?!
I can't think of anymore at this point. Any takers?
Interesting pointers that some of us already knew (whether we practice it is another thing all together) and some we never knew (I swear I never knew about the salt and pepper).
Before I head out to consult my image consultant (there is 1 celebrated image consultant that seems to remember me though we've never conducted any business dealings before), let me, ahem, attempt a few tips here based on an Asian setting. And of course invite anyone who has additional pointers or notes to share it here.
1) Look out for where you sit. Always take the best seat in the house. So that your prospect would not be distracted by who's walking in or out of the restaurant. Of course its not always possible, so get a private room, or order your food in such a way that it comes in gradually.
2) Don't even think about ordering a laksa! Unless of course you fancy little stains of laksa gravy as designs on your Hugo Boss white shirt!
3) Don't pour vinegar into a saucer for dipping. The smell irritates most people unless you need to mask your prospect's body odour.
4) Pass both the pepper and vinegar together for the shark's fins. Boy, is this an original thought or what?!
I can't think of anymore at this point. Any takers?
Leadership Choices
How do you define Leadership?
Personally, one of my favourite quotes about leadership is by John Quincy Adams, the Sixth President of the United States of America. He said that, “If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader." A leader is someone who has a vision or a dream that is beyond himself as a person. Just like what Jim Collins called the Level 5 Leadership. Collins explained that a Level 5 Leader must create superb results, a clear catalyst in the transition from good to great. At the same time, demonstrates a compelling modesty, shunning public adulation; never boastful. She must demonstrate an unwavering resolve to do whatever must be done to produce the best long-term results, no matter how difficult and acts with quiet, calm determination; relies principally on inspired standards, not inspiring charisma, to motivate. Additionally, the Level 5 Leader is someone who sets the standard of building an enduring great company; will settle for nothing less. Often, you will find her channeling ambition into the company, not the self; sets up successors for even greater success in the next generation. Collins also describes that she looks in the mirror, not out the window, to apportion responsibility for poor results, never blaming other people, external factors, or bad luck but looks out the window, not in the mirror, to apportion credit for the success of the company—to other people, external factors, and good luck.
Another interesting question that somewhat creates a dichotomy amongst scholars and novices alike is, “Are leaders made or born?” I believe that in each and every one of us we have the ability to become a leader. It may not be leadership in the corporate setting. However, leadership can take on various forms and at numerous levels. For instance, a stay-home mom is a leader where she makes the choice of what is best for her offspring. Take for instance when crisis rears its ugly head, that is when ordinary folks like you and I take on the personal responsibility to lead in such situations. September 11 was a clear example where the average firefighter chooses to lead in such trying moments for the better sake of humanity. In a somewhat less dramatic context, we lead our friends to the best place for food, drinks, or party. At a more humble level, we sometimes take the lead to undertake the necessary activities at home. Its subconscious and generally the reward were never on our mind. More often, it is a matter of rectitude that leads us to make a particular choice.
Of course many of us struggle each day to choose what we think we can and cannot do for others. One commonality amongst us is the need to feel that we have in some ways; significance or otherwise, made a positive contribution to the environment in which we live. No one will confess to a live of insignificance. Even our stay-home mom wants to be able to contribute in some ways to her offspring. There are also some of us who have been through so much pain and misery. At times some of us feel that our suffering is “rental” for our occupancy of the planet. What we need to constantly remind ourselves is to embrace all these pain, misery, and suffering; to acknowledge their existence and even appreciate it. It is this very pain, misery, and suffering that can alter our experiences in life and also help shape us and our destiny. Those in position of leadership or influence will also know that our choice of what to make out of these experiences, unpleasant as it may seems, that will enable us to redefine the quality of our life. At times, what you need is focus and belief. And the very fact that despite all these unpleasant experiences around you, you are able to maintain your focus and hold firm your unshakable beliefs that will allow you to grow stronger. What’s more interesting is, sometimes we fail to see that our leaders are not men and women of high office or of highly admirable acts of heroism. Sometimes the very leaders that we do not take notice are the ones that are right in front of us. Our spouses, our kids, our parents, our friends, our co-workers, and even our pets!
Often times, people have the misconception that to be a leader, you need to do great things. No doubt, great things must be done, but the definition of great is a matter of perspectives. Just take a look at the dailies and you will find that there are so many events and situations in the way that we feel sorry about. There are global issues that need to be addressed. There are certain individuals who we feel should be removed from where they are. And you can go on and whip yourself into a nice frenzy just by dwelling on these issues. What they fail to understand is, these are not things that can be changed or addressed at their current capacities, where they are at now. But there’s something that they can do, which is right in front of them. Day-in, day-out. You can go out in your neighbourhood and make a choice. The choice to not litter, the choice to not be angry with someone if they are in your way when you are late, the choice to be kind to the next person you meet tomorrow, the choice to say thank you to the next person who serves you, the choice to give way when someone tries to cut into your lane while driving. These and all are the choices that you can make.
And if you want to make a leadership choice, you can start by making a choice to adopt a different perspective of things, to see things through a different lens, to view it from another angle. Once you make that first choice, it will then impact on those around you, as your choices will allow them to understand that things are not always what they seem, that objects in the rear-view mirror appears may appear closer than they are. To me, this is perhaps one of the most difficult choices you need to make. However, once you choose to make it a part of you, things around you will change because you changed.
Personally, one of my favourite quotes about leadership is by John Quincy Adams, the Sixth President of the United States of America. He said that, “If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader." A leader is someone who has a vision or a dream that is beyond himself as a person. Just like what Jim Collins called the Level 5 Leadership. Collins explained that a Level 5 Leader must create superb results, a clear catalyst in the transition from good to great. At the same time, demonstrates a compelling modesty, shunning public adulation; never boastful. She must demonstrate an unwavering resolve to do whatever must be done to produce the best long-term results, no matter how difficult and acts with quiet, calm determination; relies principally on inspired standards, not inspiring charisma, to motivate. Additionally, the Level 5 Leader is someone who sets the standard of building an enduring great company; will settle for nothing less. Often, you will find her channeling ambition into the company, not the self; sets up successors for even greater success in the next generation. Collins also describes that she looks in the mirror, not out the window, to apportion responsibility for poor results, never blaming other people, external factors, or bad luck but looks out the window, not in the mirror, to apportion credit for the success of the company—to other people, external factors, and good luck.
Another interesting question that somewhat creates a dichotomy amongst scholars and novices alike is, “Are leaders made or born?” I believe that in each and every one of us we have the ability to become a leader. It may not be leadership in the corporate setting. However, leadership can take on various forms and at numerous levels. For instance, a stay-home mom is a leader where she makes the choice of what is best for her offspring. Take for instance when crisis rears its ugly head, that is when ordinary folks like you and I take on the personal responsibility to lead in such situations. September 11 was a clear example where the average firefighter chooses to lead in such trying moments for the better sake of humanity. In a somewhat less dramatic context, we lead our friends to the best place for food, drinks, or party. At a more humble level, we sometimes take the lead to undertake the necessary activities at home. Its subconscious and generally the reward were never on our mind. More often, it is a matter of rectitude that leads us to make a particular choice.
Of course many of us struggle each day to choose what we think we can and cannot do for others. One commonality amongst us is the need to feel that we have in some ways; significance or otherwise, made a positive contribution to the environment in which we live. No one will confess to a live of insignificance. Even our stay-home mom wants to be able to contribute in some ways to her offspring. There are also some of us who have been through so much pain and misery. At times some of us feel that our suffering is “rental” for our occupancy of the planet. What we need to constantly remind ourselves is to embrace all these pain, misery, and suffering; to acknowledge their existence and even appreciate it. It is this very pain, misery, and suffering that can alter our experiences in life and also help shape us and our destiny. Those in position of leadership or influence will also know that our choice of what to make out of these experiences, unpleasant as it may seems, that will enable us to redefine the quality of our life. At times, what you need is focus and belief. And the very fact that despite all these unpleasant experiences around you, you are able to maintain your focus and hold firm your unshakable beliefs that will allow you to grow stronger. What’s more interesting is, sometimes we fail to see that our leaders are not men and women of high office or of highly admirable acts of heroism. Sometimes the very leaders that we do not take notice are the ones that are right in front of us. Our spouses, our kids, our parents, our friends, our co-workers, and even our pets!
Often times, people have the misconception that to be a leader, you need to do great things. No doubt, great things must be done, but the definition of great is a matter of perspectives. Just take a look at the dailies and you will find that there are so many events and situations in the way that we feel sorry about. There are global issues that need to be addressed. There are certain individuals who we feel should be removed from where they are. And you can go on and whip yourself into a nice frenzy just by dwelling on these issues. What they fail to understand is, these are not things that can be changed or addressed at their current capacities, where they are at now. But there’s something that they can do, which is right in front of them. Day-in, day-out. You can go out in your neighbourhood and make a choice. The choice to not litter, the choice to not be angry with someone if they are in your way when you are late, the choice to be kind to the next person you meet tomorrow, the choice to say thank you to the next person who serves you, the choice to give way when someone tries to cut into your lane while driving. These and all are the choices that you can make.
And if you want to make a leadership choice, you can start by making a choice to adopt a different perspective of things, to see things through a different lens, to view it from another angle. Once you make that first choice, it will then impact on those around you, as your choices will allow them to understand that things are not always what they seem, that objects in the rear-view mirror appears may appear closer than they are. To me, this is perhaps one of the most difficult choices you need to make. However, once you choose to make it a part of you, things around you will change because you changed.
Monday, July 14, 2008
A Powerful Method of Communication
We spend most of our waking moment communicating with others, letting others know where we are going (when you take a cab), what we want (when we order our food), how we want things done (speaking to our team members at work).
Many a times we do not realise that we also communicate in a non-verbal manner. For instance, when someone stands too close to us, we let them know by shifting our body away. Some of us communicate through our eyes, for instance when I say "I love you" to my wife, it is not just the words but also how I look into her eyes.
We also communicate through our actions. Such as when we show up on time for a meeting, we are saying that I respect you taking time to meet with me and as such I am punctual. Or when we buy little gifts for our loved ones, we indirectly tell them that you are very much in my mind, such that when I saw this gift, I just knew you'd love it so I got it for you.
In business, we communicate all the time, telling prospective customers how we can value add should they choose to work with us. Or with our team on how we should soldier on together so that we can move towards our shared vision.
In addition to these methods, I have decided to use another mode of communication. And that is based on my understanding, novice as it might be, of energy vibration and the purpose of intention. Of late, we as a team have been organizing our thoughts and resources in a concerted fashion that will announce to our prospective clients of how we create, add, and maximize value for them through winning strategies.
And I decided to do so not just at a person-to-person level but at the universe level. You see, when we speak of words that come from the heart, those words carry with certain vibrations. If in doubt, just watch an angry person, the choice of words carry a level of vibration that sends out not too positive energy. And most people who are around this person gets affected, in a less than positive way.
So based on the same concept, imagine what can happen if we use the same principles in a positive aspect. How, you may ask. My suggestion is as follows:
1) write out the statement or statements that you want to communicate in a clearly defined manner. You need to write this out because if you just hold it as a thought, you may not be able to fully enjoy the benefits.
2) Next, you will need to add emotions, positive ones, to those words. How you can do that is to envisage carrying out what you have written out in step 1. Notice the feelings that fill up in your heart as you speak those words and visualize carrying out the actions.
3) Once you have step 1 & 2 done, you will need to find any opportunities you get to speak those words. When you are communicating what you have written in step 1, visualize that those words that come out of your mouth is not only reaching the ears of the person you are speaking with, but imagine those words carrying the energy that will vibrate throughout the universe and reaching the people whom this message is intended for.
4) The final step is to be aware of the people who will show up in your life from hereon and notice how they can play a part in what you want to achieve.
Try it. It really works!
Many a times we do not realise that we also communicate in a non-verbal manner. For instance, when someone stands too close to us, we let them know by shifting our body away. Some of us communicate through our eyes, for instance when I say "I love you" to my wife, it is not just the words but also how I look into her eyes.
We also communicate through our actions. Such as when we show up on time for a meeting, we are saying that I respect you taking time to meet with me and as such I am punctual. Or when we buy little gifts for our loved ones, we indirectly tell them that you are very much in my mind, such that when I saw this gift, I just knew you'd love it so I got it for you.
In business, we communicate all the time, telling prospective customers how we can value add should they choose to work with us. Or with our team on how we should soldier on together so that we can move towards our shared vision.
In addition to these methods, I have decided to use another mode of communication. And that is based on my understanding, novice as it might be, of energy vibration and the purpose of intention. Of late, we as a team have been organizing our thoughts and resources in a concerted fashion that will announce to our prospective clients of how we create, add, and maximize value for them through winning strategies.
And I decided to do so not just at a person-to-person level but at the universe level. You see, when we speak of words that come from the heart, those words carry with certain vibrations. If in doubt, just watch an angry person, the choice of words carry a level of vibration that sends out not too positive energy. And most people who are around this person gets affected, in a less than positive way.
So based on the same concept, imagine what can happen if we use the same principles in a positive aspect. How, you may ask. My suggestion is as follows:
1) write out the statement or statements that you want to communicate in a clearly defined manner. You need to write this out because if you just hold it as a thought, you may not be able to fully enjoy the benefits.
2) Next, you will need to add emotions, positive ones, to those words. How you can do that is to envisage carrying out what you have written out in step 1. Notice the feelings that fill up in your heart as you speak those words and visualize carrying out the actions.
3) Once you have step 1 & 2 done, you will need to find any opportunities you get to speak those words. When you are communicating what you have written in step 1, visualize that those words that come out of your mouth is not only reaching the ears of the person you are speaking with, but imagine those words carrying the energy that will vibrate throughout the universe and reaching the people whom this message is intended for.
4) The final step is to be aware of the people who will show up in your life from hereon and notice how they can play a part in what you want to achieve.
Try it. It really works!
What you focus on expands!
Just this recent week I was challenged, for the right reasons, that if I was already practicing the 7 Habits, then I should have been behaving in a certain manner.
Well, I can focus on the person's words and get so angry because how dare this person say something like this. What audacity! Let's wait till he try to do it himself and see how difficult it is. Does he think even the Father of the 7 Habits does not face such challenges ever?
Or, I can exercise Habit 1: Be Proactive, and say, well, I will focus on my circle of influence. That person's words or actions are in my circle of concern. But I have no control over. What I have control over are my reactions to his words, how I will response to his words, and what am I going to do. These are in my circles of influence. And that is where I will focus on as what I focus on expands.
Well, I can focus on the person's words and get so angry because how dare this person say something like this. What audacity! Let's wait till he try to do it himself and see how difficult it is. Does he think even the Father of the 7 Habits does not face such challenges ever?
Or, I can exercise Habit 1: Be Proactive, and say, well, I will focus on my circle of influence. That person's words or actions are in my circle of concern. But I have no control over. What I have control over are my reactions to his words, how I will response to his words, and what am I going to do. These are in my circles of influence. And that is where I will focus on as what I focus on expands.
Sunday, July 06, 2008
Who am I - My Identity
Who am I? That is the question that philosophers have asked for thousands of years.
Why is answering this question important or even necessary? With the identity in which we call ourselves or how we want to be known it will determine our beliefs, actions, and hence our results.
In schools for instance, some of us get labeled as 'gifted' or 'challenged'. With that label and also due to how others response or treat us it will shape our experiences, environment, and hence our mindset. As a result of that label, it reinforce what others think of us and also how we see ourselves.
It can be a blessed or damned situation depending on which label has been given to you.
So as you can see it can have a virtuous or vicious cycle, spiraling upwards or downwards for most people.
As a result, it is critical for us to clearly define what our identity is. So how do we go about defining our identity? Well, first it may be helpful to ask ourselves what kind of label we currently give ourselves? Do we see ourselves as a leader or a follower? Or do we call ourselves a happy-go-lucky person or a planner? You see, your current label will determine what kind of actions, and hence the results, that you are currently getting.
Hence if you don't like the results you are getting now, change your behaviours or actions. Like what Einstein said, doing the same thing over and over again and expecting the results to be different is a clear sign of insanity. True? Well, not quite.
In fact Einstein also said that to solve the challenges that we are currently facing, we cannot use the same level of thinking that created this challenge. To put that into the context in which we are currently talking about, we'll need to change more than our actions or behaviours. We will need to examine deeper; we will need to examine our identity.
By examining our current identity, we are raising the awareness of how we currently see ourselves. How, when we move into a third perceptual position, do we see ourselves? How are we like when faced with certain circumstances, how do we response? By doing so, we are creating awareness. Without awareness is like, not even knowing what you do not know. If we have never given a speech in front of hundreds of people, we do not even know if we can do it or not in the first place.
To embark on such an endeavor will require support. Will require others to help us. So while I begin the next 7 days to examining our identity, I invite you to check in on me over the next 7 days to see what are some of the incidences that I've experienced.
See you tomorrow!
Why is answering this question important or even necessary? With the identity in which we call ourselves or how we want to be known it will determine our beliefs, actions, and hence our results.
In schools for instance, some of us get labeled as 'gifted' or 'challenged'. With that label and also due to how others response or treat us it will shape our experiences, environment, and hence our mindset. As a result of that label, it reinforce what others think of us and also how we see ourselves.
It can be a blessed or damned situation depending on which label has been given to you.
So as you can see it can have a virtuous or vicious cycle, spiraling upwards or downwards for most people.
As a result, it is critical for us to clearly define what our identity is. So how do we go about defining our identity? Well, first it may be helpful to ask ourselves what kind of label we currently give ourselves? Do we see ourselves as a leader or a follower? Or do we call ourselves a happy-go-lucky person or a planner? You see, your current label will determine what kind of actions, and hence the results, that you are currently getting.
Hence if you don't like the results you are getting now, change your behaviours or actions. Like what Einstein said, doing the same thing over and over again and expecting the results to be different is a clear sign of insanity. True? Well, not quite.
In fact Einstein also said that to solve the challenges that we are currently facing, we cannot use the same level of thinking that created this challenge. To put that into the context in which we are currently talking about, we'll need to change more than our actions or behaviours. We will need to examine deeper; we will need to examine our identity.
By examining our current identity, we are raising the awareness of how we currently see ourselves. How, when we move into a third perceptual position, do we see ourselves? How are we like when faced with certain circumstances, how do we response? By doing so, we are creating awareness. Without awareness is like, not even knowing what you do not know. If we have never given a speech in front of hundreds of people, we do not even know if we can do it or not in the first place.
To embark on such an endeavor will require support. Will require others to help us. So while I begin the next 7 days to examining our identity, I invite you to check in on me over the next 7 days to see what are some of the incidences that I've experienced.
See you tomorrow!
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