Its a choice you won't regret

I once bumped into an acquaintance, someone who was a friend of my friend. I called him and we spoke for a while. Initially he had trouble remembering my name; he still couldn't recall after a while. I reminded him but to no avail. Finally, I told him and it didn't ring a bell to him. However, after describing to him, he recalled, not my name but my actions he did. He said, "oh, you are the chain-smoker, I always see you with a cigarette in your mouth!". That was definitely not very flattering.

And that's how I was remembered. Question. How would you'd like to be remembered? For the wonderful things you did? Or for some actions you wouldn't be proud enough to brag about it? Certainly, if you are like most people, it will be the former I hope. Many of us behave in a certain manner that sometimes caused other people to recognise us in ways that we may not appreciate.

For instance, there are a few people in my Aikido class that aren't as popular as others. Not that they are mean, it's just the way they behave that caused others not want to be around them. There are also others who tried extremely hard to suppress or delay their emotions who after a while caused others to doubt their sincerity. Like I said, they are just like you and I who wants to be accepted; who wants to be liked (who here does not want to be liked?); who wants to blend in with the rest; who wants to belong to the group.

And that's fundamentally a human desire. The desire to be connected. I mean, I have yet to come across anyone who prefers to be by themselves. Even those weirdos, as we ignorantly called them, also have an innate desire to be connected to other people. Just because they don't feel comfortable with you and I doesn't mean they like to be alone. They probably feel more comfortable connecting with others through the computers or through pen-pals (how many of us still remember pen-pals?). Having said that, being connected through different channels will also, over time, shape your personality. Because of their affiliation with the computers and text messages, some of these individuals are viewed as "no EQ".

Personally I have encountered many such people through my course of work, and also others by the nature of their occupation, they treat people like how they would in their job; both positive and not so positive.

So, the point is this. How you identify yourself, your identity, your personality is something that some of us don't pay much attention to. For instance, by the way that acquaintance identify me could lead me to identify myself as a "chain-smoker". Can you imagine when I am trying to quit but that "label" stays with me subconsciously? Just like if someone identifies himself as the keeper of the law, he will tend to make sure that no one breaks the rule or he'll give them a earful. Or if someone identifies himself as a doctor, a healer; he may extend that identity to superiority! Or if someone is a consultant, he'll always be ready to dispense with advise.

Therefore, it is critical that we identify the identity that we want others to remember us for, something that we can be proud of, something that allows us to connect with other people; many different types of people. The company you keep will give you an idea. This is a choice we need to make as soon as possible, as its not only going to make our eulogy sounds much better; its also going to impact on our behaviour and hence how people treat us. Its not their fault if they think you are weird; its not their fault to think you are aloof; and its certainly not their fault to not include you on their Christmas get-together guest list. Its how to choose to be identified as that is causing people to treat you the way they do.

So, if you treat people with respect and love, they will reciprocate. May not be in the way you'd imagine or prefer, but it will certainly be on their minds. Its a two-way traffic; how you perceive others will treat you, you will return the favour. And as a result of them doing so, it will also mean that they love and respect you. With that, you will feel more comfortable being with them and hence you will start to act in a manner in which they will accept and return. If you think the best of humans, they will live up to your expectations; and same applies in reverse. Would you be disappointed from time to time, when someone fail to live up to your expectations or worse still, take advantage of you?

Yes, it will happen. The thing you need to remember is you can be responsible to them but you cannot be responsible for them. The actions or behaviour that others choose are entirely their choice. You just need to do your part and understand that their intentions are always good; may not be good for the people around them but the only reason why they behave in that manner is solely to protect themselves. Ultimately, its not your fault if they take advantage of you. As we discussed before; you can be responsible to them but you cannot be responsible for them.